struggling right now

I am 21 weeks pregnant, and since I had the 20 week scan a week ago I basically have not been sleeping. This pregnancy feels a lot more "real" all of the sudden, and now I am thinking about what it would be like to go through fulminating pre-eclampsia and HELLP again and lose another baby. I don't know how I could possibly handle that; I'm not sure I have really (will ever really?) recover from what happened to Alice and I last time.

Anyone have any suggestons for dealing with this sort of anxiety? I have the uterine artery dopplers booked in soon and am worried about that too.

Best wishes xx

I think what you are feeling is completely normal. Anyone who has had PE or HELLP end up being 'robbed' of normal pregnancies. I was saying to H last night how I thought this pregnancy was a breeze in comparisson to Aoife but that doesn't mean I have enjoyed it- probably the opposite every twitch. Bright light etc has worried me!

Can you talk to your MW or consultant about your concerns? i am sure with your history they'll be able to give extra support.

I also remember being really worried about my first doppler scan. To be fair I didn't get the best results from it, but look at me now 36 weeks! I had my aspirin dose doubled and subsequent dopplers were good!

Talk on here - vent on here. That is what we are here for!

Hi Jules,

I can completely understand how you are feeling at the moment. We're at the same stage in pregnancy now and we have had a similar experience in the past with PE.

I keep going through wee phases were i am so scared of getting PE again. I don't know what gets me through it but talking does help and coming on here. I was so anxious at my last scan but got to talk to my consultant about my fears and her reassurance has helped me calm down.

I hope you start to feel better soon. People keep telling me every pregnancy is different and at last i do believe that.

Best wishes
Bell.xxx

Hi Jules,

Many Congratulations on reaching your 21 week milestone.

I remember when you first introduced yourself here & how emotionally (and physically) drained you were following the loss of Alice. I also remember how you didnt want to look forward.
But here you are and 21 weeks pregnant ..... look how far you have come.

Of course with PE, everything is about 1 more day / week / appointment / scan.... its hard not to look at the hurdles you may face, but it is so very important to see what difference has already been made.

I spoke to a lady once who made herself an 'advent' type calender. She was so anxious but needed help to remind herself how well she was actually doing so she made herself a weekly calender. When she felt super anxious for any reason - she would look at all her calenders which showed the weeks ticking past - and a physical representation of her achievement.

'Free writing' can help too. Its where you start to write and then just let you hand do the work - dont think about what you are writing. When you read it back it can be quite cathartic. If you like to be more organised in your writing, you can alway PM me to off load with something, especially if you want it to remain just your thoughts and confidential.

As Mossy says, maybe talking to your MW about how you are feeling might help - and we are always here to listen.
Im still around by phone too if you need to physically talk to someone.

You are doing a sterling job in doing your utmost to protect your precious cargo which in itself is the hugest achievement of all as you have enabled him/her to be in the the best postion to be if PE is lurking.

Warm wishes
Liz

Thanks everyone - obstetrician has sanctioned me taking an anti-histamine which causes drowsiness and that is helping me get some sleep again. Will let you know how the uterine artery thingies go next week

Best wishes to everyone

Good luck with your doppler next week...perhaps you will sleep better once you know that (fingers crossed) everything is good so far. I get very very stressed about them as well. I feel fairly positive since my last scan...not about PE as a whole, (I think that could still come) but I think I may get further than last time and hopefully take a baby home. Maybe I'm being a little over positive but sometimes I have to be or I'd go mad!!!

Anyway, good luck,
Lizzie x

Oh Jules, it's so tough. I know right from the beginning of this pregnancy I said I was dreading the 20-25 week mark (20 weeks because that's when PE can start and up to 25 weeks because that's just after I delivered last time). I have talked these worries through extensively with my counsellor and my Consultant and they have put a LOT of extra care into place during that time frame. Although getting past my 25 week mark is no guarantee it is my first hurdle, 30 weeks being my second.

My Counsellor, like Liz, also advised writing my feelings down and breaking up my pregnancy into chunks and counting those chunks down. Maybe something like that may help?

I'm also seeing a trained midwife who is a reflexologist who has prescribed oils and exercises to help me sleep.

Sorry this is so long but I just want to tell you some of the things I'm doing that maybe you could do too. These things are helping me at the moment, but I'm not at 20 weeks yet so goodness knows if they'll work then!

Take care and let us know how your Doppler goes
Emma xxx