Hi,
I've not been on here for a long, long time.
But I've come to a point in my life where I feel the need to give back to people, things and charities who helped me through the worst time in my life!!!
I have had pre-eclampsia twice the first time I was extremly poorly which resulted in my little boy Coby being born prematurly he was fine and is a perfect healthy little boistorous boy now!!! However I wasn't so lucky the next time I lost my little boy Evann, it wasnt expected, I honestly didn't understand the severity of this illness even with being so poorly myself in my 1st pregnancy. I just assumed he would probably be early but I didn't expect to lose him. I'd obviously read that this could be possible but I did not even entertain the thought for a second!!! So when I was told he had passed the devastation and shock completly overwhelmed me. I turned away from a lot of my friend s because I didn't think they understood, I'd sit on this website for hours and just read and read. I think I personally only left about 3 posts. But I found reading other peoples questions, rants, advice and comments so helpful. It was awful to find out how many lives this disease actually affects but also comforting in a strange way that it was not just me.... I wasn't a failure. Which is of course how I felt.
I eventually made the decision to try again which resulted in a miscarriage just before Evanns 1st birthday. Everything just seemed to be against me!!! When I fell pregnant shortly after this I didn't even dare hope. I was put on daily fragmin and aspirin from my test being positive. I reached 12 weeks no problem which I felt was 1 hurdle out of the way. With constant scans, supervision and medication I went over and beyond anyones expectations!! I reached full term with only slight scares along the way and had normal labour with a beautiful healthy 9lb baby boy!!! I look at both my sons now and realise what an absolute miracle they are. Baby Cole is now nearly 7months old.
I never not think about Evann, but when I do now it's with love, sadness and a sense of loss. Not with the hate that I had constantly and wasn't able to aim at anyone but myself.
So I want to say thankyou!! Thankyou for being here for me and for so many other people like me. The work that you do is AMAZING!!!! The charity APEC is amazing also to thank them I am jumping out of a plane lol!!! Scared isn't the word!!
But like I said at the beginning of this I want to give back to everyone who helped me.
So thankyou so much, I will always remember this forum and people like you who run it and also the ladies that post their advice and support.... you truely were all I felt I had xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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