My story - Jack's early arrival

Hi there, I am really new to this site but am so glad to have found it!!

Thought I'd tell you our story...... it's easier to write than speak it because although we are 5 months down the line I still get teary at certain parts, I don't think a lot of people realise how hard it is to tell although lots want to hear!!

Anyway, here goes........... after a just a few weeks of "trying" we fell pregnant with our first baby who was due on 16th March this year and I really did have a dream pregnancy. I felt a little bit sickly in the early weeks, but was never actually sick and I didn't like the taste of Quavers or sweetcorn, but that was literally it. I loved being pregnant, every bit of it.

I developed a cold on Christmas Day, had it for a few days and then it went. It reared its ugly head again on Sunday 11th January but this time I felt AWFUL. I had my 31-week midwife check on Tuesday 13th January and that's when it all began. I had 3 +++ of protein in my urine, I felt shocking and my BP was rather high (although I don't have the best BP in the world anyway, I must say). Midwife - who was fab - told me to get straight to hospital as she suspected pre-eclampsia, which we did. Hubby and I spent that night wondering whether our little boy was going to be delivered there and then. We heard comments like 'cot ready in SCBU', 'paediatrician will visit' etc..... and I thought, this is it. I wasn't ready to give up my pregnancy and I was petrified at what was to come. Luckily my BP crept down a little bit, I had the steroid injections and we spent the next few days batting between BP being okay then not, protein being okay then not and a range of other things. I got admitted, got discharged, got admitted again, went down to delivery a couple of times.... all the while our baby was fine and his heartbeat was strong. However, the doctors had gone from 'we're hoping to get you to 35 weeks'.... to 'I don't think we'll get to 35 weeks'.

Then on Saturday 24th January my BP got rather naughty and the Labetalol wasn't working so I was prescribed another med. The following morning I woke with a stonking headache which wouldn't shift at all and I had 4 ++++ in my urine. Basically I felt crap. I sent a reluctant hubby home that evening saying everything would be fine. At 10pm the midwife checked my BP which was 189/129 and I was sent back down to delivery. After being attached to various drips, given a catheter (lovely!!) and cannulas in each hand hubby returned (with a flask of tea bless him!). I took a turn for the worse, unbeknown to me and started rolling my eyes, talking gibberish etc so a Consultant was called in and at 4.22am on Monday 26th January 2009 our gorgeous boy Jack Edmund Peter was pulled into this world by emergency C-section (with a little yelp as he came out!). I was officially hours away from being 33 weeks gestation. He weighed 3lb 9oz and was breathing all by himself. He needed a little CPAP for a couple of hours to get him going but after that it was his own doing in an incubator. I saw my gorgeous little man 14 hours after he was born (longest 14 hours of my life) and I was lucky because I got to hold him soon after. He was in hospital for 4 weeks and 2 days and came home formula fed!! I won't even start with the story about my attempt at breastfeeding, this really will become an epic and I don't think I can handle the guilt, needless to say the pump became my best friend but it wasn't to be!!

He is now just over 5 months old and at his last weigh-in was 12lb 14oz and rolled from front to back for the first time last Saturday. He smiles, laughs, chatters away, grabs things, chews his own hands and wants to be on his feet A LOT. He is a little monkey when it comes to feeding - he hit a personal best today by only taking a single ounce at one of his feeds but we try, try and try again.

Most days are great, but then there are a few where I blame myself a lot. If he doesn't feed I blame myself as I feel I let him down, I cringe when I hear: "Oh, he looks a lot smaller than a 5 month old," "Did you get skin on skin?", "Did Dad cut the cord then?".... my personal favourite from someone who is suppposed to be a friend (and pregnant): "Oh, I want my baby to come early.... not as early as yours though"!! I try not to see her very much.

My word, this really has turned into an epic. I'm so sorry, but it is good to write it down.
Thanks if you've got this far.
C. xx.

sorry you also suffered from the dreaded PE but Congratulations on the birth of Jack!

sounds like he's doing great.

welcome to the group!

Hi,

Welcome to the site. I hope you find as much support from it as I have.

I'm so sorry you suffered such a traumatic time over Jack's arrival. It sounds like he's doing great - I hope he continues to go from strength to strength.

As for your 'friend'. Well nothing suprises me over what some people say anymore but 'be careful what you wish for' is all I would say. You will always find a friendly ear to listen here whenever you want.

Love Caroline xxx

Hi Jacks Mum,

Welcome to the site.
I am sorry to hear you have had PE too, but glad you found us!

If its any consolation my daughter was a terrible feeder too. We would just 'finish' one bottle & it would be 'time' to start the next as the feed has lasted 3 hours! However, as soon as she was started on baby rice & then to proper feeds she just took off! Today she is 12 and my fridge is always bare!

I hope you will find the support here all that you are looking for.
Warm Wishes

Liz

Thanks for the replies. This really does seem like a lovely site!! However, reading some of the other stories and also seeing the losses that mums have experienced, I don't think we did too bad getting to 33 weeks. Glad that there is a place like this for the support. The world of PE can be quite a lonely place, I found that lots of people had heard of it, but nobody really knew about it, if that makes sense!!
xx.

It makes perfect sense!

The trouble is with PE, that even the people who know it very well - dont really know it as it present so differently form woman to woman & baby to baby.

Getting to 33 weeks may sound like a good thing in a close environment like this one - but it still doesnt take away the fact that 33 weeks is not what you expected. Getting to 40-42 weeks would be easier to imagine possibly.
Not getting what we expected is all part of the devastation that gets wrapped up in this wicked condition.
Ladies here for a while may have heard me say before - there is no heirarchy to grief. Its as individual as you & I - but that doesnt stop it hurting.

Looking forward to getting to 'know' you!

Best Wishes
Liz

Hi Littlejacksmum

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story I found this site so helpful and supportive.

I am so glad little Jack is doing so well savour every moment as they grow so quickley

Take care

Ingrid xx

PS Liz your daughter is beautiful you should be so proud xx

Hi Jack's Mum,

Welcome to the site, it's a wonderful community of really supportive people.

I too had my little boy at 33 weeks, and I remember just before he was 2, talking to a new health visitor and telling her that he'd been a 'little bit early', as I, like you felt that 33 weeks was pretty darn good really when you read the stories that the other ladies here have to tell.

She almost shrieked, and said that he wasn't 'a little bit' early, he was very early, and somehow it made me feel better that I had a health professional taking us seriously, and not just saying that I should treat him like any full term baby (my previous health visitor told me off for cuddling him too much when he came out of special care - said I'd make a rod for my own back!!!!).

I couldn't breastfeed my little one, and he's a perfectly healthy, very boisterous (albeit on the small side) 3 and a half year old now. It's so easy to beat yourself up about things, and to feel guilty about the things that you couldn't do, but they are things over which you had NO control, it's not like you chose to have PE or not to breastfeed.

It's hard, but try to ignore insensitive comments from friends - I remember when Jon was still in special care, a friend who's baby was due before Jon's due date told me how lucky I was not to still be pregnant - I wanted to hit her!!!!!

Take good care of yourself, and enjoy every minute of Jack - big, small, early or late, he's yours, and he's gorgeous.

Nicki x